This Post is for my Mother

I am writing this post for my mother for reasons I can not yet share. My purpose is to show my love to the woman who gave me life. That life has had its ups and downs as all lives do. Although my mother raised me all by herself, which is no easy task, she still tried her hardest to give my life more of the ups than the down and I love her all the more for it.

As parents we only want what is best for our children and try to protect them from all the cruelty the world has to throw our way. As I grew, she still stood by me through every bad decision I made and helped me through when I suffered the consequences of my decisions. I have made my fair share of mistakes but I came through them to lead a productive life and have a wonderful family and home. I have never forgotten how I was raised and I owe the life I have now in part to my biggest fan; my mother.

Our relationship hasn't always been butterflies and rainbows. We have definitely had our fair share of rocky moments where hurtful words weren't spared and spans of time where we didn't speak. The biggest lesson I learned through those rocky times is that no matter how much you want to stop loving someone, the ones truly special in your heart is a flame of love that can never be extinguished. We made it through those rough patches and barely a day goes by where we don't have long telephone conversations and enjoy each others company.

My mother has seen me at my worst and seen me at my best. She has supported me through it all. I am ashamed to say that I have not been nearly as supportive to her. Now may possibly be the time where she will need all the support I can give and I will give 100% of what I can offer her. I only hope that my best will be enough.

I have truly been blessed with a wonderful husband and children and even in-laws who always stand in my corner cheering me on but each time my mother is always cheering the loudest of all. She is my biggest believer and my biggest fan. Sometimes I think she thinks I am perfect in every way even though that is impossible and I know I am not. Never the less, it is always wonderful to have someone who believes you are capable of accomplishing anything and is proud to have you as a daughter. God smiled upon me when he chose my mother.

This goes out to you mom. I love you and always will.

I Will Soon Be Starting a New Blog

So, my Mother said I have to make a new post. I really don't keep up on my blog like I should but my life is rather boring and I don't have a whole lot to talk about.

I will be designing a new blog. A woman who runs a popular quilting website wants to make a blog about being an amateur quilter since the site is geared towards amateur quilters and filled with tons of information for us. I had seen that she was looking for people to write articles and to help with web work but because of my lack of experience quilting I figured writing articles would be difficult. I'm still learning myself. So I came up with the idea of writing a blog about being a novice quilter. She loved the idea so now I must design a new blog so she can link it on her website. I have decided to title the blog "The Many Misadventures of the Amateur Quilter". What do you think of the title?

At least this will get me back in the habit of writing again and get me going on the quilt I started for my son. The last month and a half has been crazy. I've been busy and hadn't been sleeping so I was always exhausted and just didn't have the energy for quilting. Plus, I was used to working on my quilts when Tim left work when he was working third shift. I would stay up sewing because I didn't have to get up early to get the kids on the bus but now that he's on first shift I have to be up by 6:30am to get them off to school. Unfortunately I haven't been making time to quilt. I go to bed much earlier now and for some reason I have always only wanted to work on my crafts at night. With my new sleeping schedule that makes it a little difficult. I am hoping that by keeping this blog I will work harder and make time for my quilting which I truly enjoy doing.

Anyway, that's all for now. When I get my new blog up and running I will post the link on this blog and vice versa.

Until next time....

Story of my Life: My Wonderful Life

Story of my Life: My Wonderful Life

My Wonderful Life

I’ve been staying busy lately repainting rooms in my house. I also got bored one day and tore up the carpet in my library and living room. Under the carpet was beautiful hardwood floors that I believe are original to the house which is over a hundred years old. They don’t make hard wood flooring like this anymore. When we get our taxes back next year we are going to have someone come in and sand and polyurethane the floors. They will be even more beautiful then. I also ripped out the carpet on the stairs and uncovered beautiful wooden stairs. The house looks so much better without that nasty carpeting in it.

Good news, Tim got moved to first shift at work and it is great. So now he works 6-2pm and I don’t spend nearly as much time alone as I did when he was on third shift. Now we can actually do things in the evening and go places. He should be safe on that shift for the next year. Hopefully he won’t get bumped when his year of safety is up.

I am also going to start writing an opinion column for TheCelebrityCafe.com. Dominick, the founder, wants the column as many times a week as I can write it. I was going to do a humor column but I’m kind of limited on material since life only involves being a wife and mother. But an opinion column, well there are endless topics and I have an opinion on almost everything. I need to get my first column written this week and submit it to Dominick. I haven’t decided on a topic yet. I hate trying to come up with topics because I always seem to draw a blank.

I had a horrible cold last week that kept me in bed all week but now I’m finally better. It really knocked me on my butt. Luckily the hubby and kids didn’t get sick.

I haven’t been sleeping lately. I take a bunch of sleeping pills and still can’t fall asleep and then when I finally do I can’t stay asleep. I wake up all through the night. I haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in over three weeks. The last three nights I have been sleeping on the couch because for some unknown reason I fall asleep faster on the couch than when I’m in my bed. I go back to my doctor on the 19th and I am going to talk to her about maybe if I have a medical condition that causes me to not be able to sleep. Maybe if I can get diagnosed with something they can treat it. No sleeping pills work for me. I seem to have a very high tolerance to them. Maybe I will get lucky and can find out why I don’t sleep and can find a medicine that will help the problem. I am desperate for sleep.

Well, that’s all for now. Until next time….

What a Day, What a Day

Well I got super lucky today. School was canceled due to high winds and a tornado watch. We barely got anything as far as bad weather. So, school was canceled for nothing. The kids drove me nuts today.

I just finished helping Ari go through her whole bedroom, throwing stuff out and putting stuff in a bag for a garage sale next season. She cleaned her bedroom today because we did research on rabbits and the sites say a rabbit should be able to come and go to their cage as they please. It makes them feel as though their cage is a haven instead of a prison. But in order to do this, Ari needs to keep her room clean at all times and her bedroom door closed. We also had a death in the bunny family tonight. One of the babies died and we will be having a burial and memorial service at Ari's insisting tomorrow after school. I have to vacuum her room tomorrow and then I can put the cage on the floor and open the door. I sure hope for Ari's sake that no more babies die. It breaks her heart. I'm trying to figure out what you say at a funeral service for a baby bunny. I just know she's going to expect something.

Unfortunately, from working so hard in Ari's room and taking my nightly pills later than usual I'm kind of wired for sound right now and it's 9:00pm. I should be thinking about bed but I don't foresee that happening anytime soon. Maybe I will finally get back in to Farmville and plant some crops. I haven't played in about 2 months. Fact is, I haven't hardly touched the computer in just as long. I'm not sure why exactly. Maybe the newness has worn off or I'm just finding better ways to spend my time but I really don't think that's it.

I have started piecing Justin's quilt and I think it will come out really good. At least my fingers are crossed. I might work on his quilt a little tonight until I can get myself tired enough for bed. If I don't get to bed soon though, tomorrow morning is gonna suck waking up at 6:30.

Anyway, think I'll go play Farmville now to pass the time. Have a happy day.

Its Been a While

Gosh, it's been about a month since my last post and my mother has been pestering me to post something new. So let's see what has been going on since my last post.

I believe I last left you with how my daughter broke her arm. She got her pins taken out two weeks ago and got out of her cast on Tuesday. Her arm still looks a little off and doesn't straighten all the way but hopefully that will work itself out. The surgeon said it would probably take a good month before she could really move it around properly but the break site still doesn't look right. You can definitely tell she broke her arm at the elbow. She is doing well though so that's good. Poor thing has had her way of life turned upside down due to her break. The doctor said her arm is not anywhere near healed yet. Only part of the bone has grown back and it will be extremely easy for her to rebreak that arm. So after spending six weeks in a cast and not being able to do much, things got a little worse for her. Even though she's out of her cast the doctor said she is not allowed to do ANYTHING or activity that might possibly lead to a fall. She can only do calm activities with her hands like drawing, legos, barbie dolls..etc. She can't do anything until at least Spring. That's like 5 months away. She is totally unhappy and bored.

Oh and great news; my hubby got switched to first shift so he is no longer on third shift. He just started first shift on Monday so he's still trying to get used to the new schedule. He's home by 2:20 everyday and that is totally awesome. We are both thrilled about the change. We thought it would take years and years before he would ever get first shift so it has been a good week for us. He's tired getting used to the schedule but it is something we are willing to deal with.

Everyone is doing fine. I think my student loan is now out of default so I need to apply to Western Michigan University soon. The deadline for application is Dec. 1. It sucks that there is a $35 application fee. Non-refundable of course, so I will be pissed if I don't get accepted.

The other night an opening sentence popped in to my head that would make a great short story. I got a whole page written down and it seemed to just pour out of me. It is going to be a romantic tragedy. It is pretty much based on me and Tim but I'm trying to add other aspects of fiction to it. Tim told me he read it because I had it sitting on the end table. He said he knew it was based on us and I told him I was sorry but that he dies at the end. He didn't really like that too much but I thought it made a good twist and a moving ending. I hope I finish it because what I already have is pretty good.

Anyway, I can't think of anything else to update you on. Until next time..... And I will try to get better at posting to my blog. I know, I know, you've heard that before but I think I might actually mean it this time. Only time will tell though. Happy thoughts and happy writing.

Stress, Stress, and More Stress

So my youngest daughter (8-years-old) tripped on a crack in the sidewalk and fell; breaking her arm and needing surgery to have 3 pins put in her arm. We spent 2 nights in the hospital and I just spoke with a lawyer concerning whether we had a case to sue the city of Centreville for damages because they have never repaired the sidewalks. This lawyer doesn't think we have a case but he gave me the number for another firm out of Kalamazoo and wants me to get a second opinion. It is going to be awful if we can't sue the city because we will have thousands of dollars in medical bills because of this.

With all that's happened in the last 2 1/2 weeks the stress has just been building and building. Now on top of that, Tim's overtime is finally dwindling down so now we don't have as much money coming in as we used to. Time to tighten the belt yet again.

Wish us luck on my daughter's upcoming surgery and please say a prayer or something to help my family in this difficult time.

Volunteering Adventure

On my last post I forgot to mention that I am now volunteering with my local Child Abuse and Neglect Council. What a worthy cause. I used to volunteer full-time with American Cancer Society and loved it but had to quit when finances got tough and I needed to get a job. I gained a lot of experience with ACS and I have a background in business since I worked in offices most of my life. The people at the CAN Council are so excited to have me. They say I am exactly what they need. Recently the Council lost their Executive Director and Patsy (who basically runs the place) thinks I should interview for with all the experience I have. It is actually a paid position,(not much of course but paid nonetheless). My only real concern is taking that on and trying to go to college at the same time.

I am hoping to get into Western University and I am a little worried I won't be able to handle everything but I guess I'll never know unless I try. The Executive Director position is only about 15 hours per week so I think I can handle that. I'm not sure what I am going to do yet but as I get more involved and learn the ropes of CAN Council I will be able to make a better informed decision on the matter.

I am very flattered that they are so happy to have me on board. Right now the ladies trying to handle everything are much older, some retired or still working full time and they all want to be able to back off on duties and truly enjoy the retired life. At least I know that is how Patsy feels. She wants me to learn what she does, and by the way, she already thinks I will be better at it than she is. I am really looking forward to all of this.

Next Tuesday, the 31st, I am meeting Linda, Patsy and Carla at the office and will meeting Linda and Carla for the first time. Patsy told me she told them all about me and they can't wait to meet me. I'm flattered by their vote of confidence in my abilities. Patsy already likes my vision and take on things and is confident that I will be great. Do great things and bring so much to the table to benefit the Council. I can't wait to get started. This will give my life the meaning and purpose I so desperately need. I am the kind of person that needs to do worthwhile things in order to feel fulfilled so I am very grateful for this opportunity.

I will let you know more as the week goes on and hope to have more good news and excitement in store for you.

College Update

Well, I will not be returning to University of Phoenix for my Bachelor's in English. Turns out that UofP is double the cost of a traditional college. I have decided on Western Michigan University which has a great English department. I think I will major in creative writing with a minor in practical writing. I will probably start in the Spring and can't wait. When I went to community college I really enjoyed the on campus life. I never was really excited going to class online. I was much happier when I was in a traditional college and had that face to face learning experience.

Tonight I am going with my friend to see some fireworks in Mendon. Last fireworks of the year. The kids are really excited about going and it will give me something to do tonight since Tim has to work.

Well that's all for now, so until next time..

Birthday Bash 2010

Well my birthday was good. At least I think so since there are parts I don't remember. I had enough fun for a two day hangover. It will definitely be a while before I drink again.

For my birthday, I wanted paint. I have one more room in the house to remodel which is the closed-in front porch. My plan is to make it look like the outdoors. The ceiling will be Serene Sky blue, the walls will be Summer Harvest yellow, and the wicker furniture will be green to symbolize grass. Tim didn't think this was a very good birthday present but it's what I wanted. Remodeling gives me something to do and the front porch will definitely be a project. It needs to be cleaned and cleaned out in order for me to even start painting. Also, the drywall ceiling may need to come down and I'm not sure of the condition of the wood underneath. Whether or not the drywall needs to be replaced or not is a mystery. I may be able to just paint over the wood rafters but worst case scenario I'll need to replace the drywall. It sure will be a project.

Monday I am going to try and make it to Battle Creek to visit my friend Henrietta. We might go to a ceramics class so that should be fun. I have a wood burning plaque to make for Henrietta that she wants as a gift to a friend, so I have to get that done which shouldn't be a problem. I can usually finish a project in a night. Henrietta thinks I should start selling my wood burning work and I'm seriously considering it but for now I just want to have fun with it.

Anyway, that's all for now. Until next time.....

What a Day, What a Day

Well, it's official, I am not going to meet the deadline for the short story. I am supposed to have it done tomorrow and I can't even come up with a plot or characters. I must confess though that I haven't even tried to really think about it.

I got 3 hours of sleep last night and then spent 4 hours baking goodies for Ari and Justin to have a bake sale which Ari no longer wants to work on because she is fighting with her brother. This pisses me off since I worked so hard even though I was exhausted and still am. She'd better get her little butt back over there and try to sell some stuff because if I did all that work for nothing that might make me a little irritable. Ahh, the things we do for our children. None of which they appreciate. I imagine that they won't appreciate what we as parents do for them until they have children of their own. I just made Ari go back to her sale and unfortunately they have only had 3 customers 2 1/2 - 3 hours. Another thing that is making me irritable.

Oh, and by the way, this Sunday August 8th is my birthday. We are going out tomorrow night in celebration of my being born. I'm not sure if I'll be able to walk in a straight line by the end of the night but I sure hope I have fun. Who needs to walk in a straight line anyway?

I may go back to that Church this Sunday. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it.

So that's all for now. I'll let you know how my birthday turns out.

Fiction Scares Me

In my last post I said I would write a fiction short story by Aug. 6th. I am hemming and hawing about this one. Why you ask? Because frankly, fiction scares me. I have never written fiction before. I always thought I would never be any good at creative/fiction writing. So I'm a little scared about this project.

So far I have absolutely no ideas on characters, plot or anything. I'm not even sure I know what genre I would like to try writing. I'm also not very good with writing dialogue so that's another thing to scare me.

Some other news is that this past Sunday I actually went to a church. I was totally against the notion for a really long time but found that I actually enjoyed the service and it was a church I wouldn't mind going back to. This shocked me. I have resisted religion for a very long time and my faith had also wavered for a long time. I'm really not sure what to make of it. I guess time will tell.

Well, until next time.....

Deadline Met

Well, I met the deadline that I established for myself on that essay. I took my daughter to the beach yesterday and while she swam, I wrote. I don't think it's very good though so I will go back to it in a day or so and do some revisions. I did just revise it but it's still not good enough. At least not up to my standards. I'm not sure what I'll write next. I would like to try fiction. A short story to start with then maybe something a little longer. I don't know, we'll see how it goes. I expect perfection from myself, which I know, is expecting to much but if it's not perfect I am unhappy. But hey, that's what editing is for.

I'll let you know what my next project is when I know and give myself another deadline. Oh hell, how about I write at least a ten page fiction short story and have it done by Aug. 6th. That should give me enough time to write and rewrite.

Motivation

So far, I haven't written that essay yet. I will though, at least I'd better. I guess I'm waiting for the motivation to strike me but I think I had better make my motivation. Force myself to just do it instead of waiting around for the mood to strike. The mood doesn't usually strike me though so I think I will have to buckle down and do it. I'll let you know when it's done and how it went.

That's all for now. Talk to ya later..

New Idea

Well, it's about 5:30am. I slept about 8 hours, just the wrong part of the day. I thought I would rest about 5:00pm last night and ended up falling asleep. I didn't wake up til 2am this morning and surprisingly feel pretty well rested. Let's hope I feel that way later today.

Anyway, I have an idea about how to get myself to write. I'm the type of person who needs to be given a deadline, otherwise I procrastinate or just never get it done. So, I am giving myself a deadline on projects that I thought I would post here for all of you to see. Or if I have no other readers, for just my mother to see, because I gotta love her, she reads every post I make. Thanks Mom. It's nice to know I have one fan.

My first deadline is for an essay I've been thinking of. It is about my passion; words, and how powerful a single word can be. My deadline for this essay is Thursday July 22, 2010. I will make sure to update my blog and let you all know that I completed my project on my stated deadline. If anyone is out there I could really use some encouragement. Please comment, I need to know someone is reading this, other than you Mom (no offense).

Accomplishment

Well, today I accomplished something. First, I actually went to Subway to pick up dinner when normally I would make my husband go on the basis that it only takes him 2 minutes to throw clothes on and be done. I also made a wood burned plaque. I finally DID what I could be doing instead of only thinking about what I could be doing. I will be uploading a picture of my plaque for you all to see.

I know this seems like a small achievement but for me it is huge. You see, whenever I think about what I could or should be doing, I seem to get anxiety. I don't know why this is but I get mad at myself for feeling this way. Even when I am bored beyond belief I tend to run to my bed instead of finding something to do. I don't normally sleep when I take these naps I just lay there thinking about what I could and should be doing. Right when I'm about to crawl out of bed to do these things the anxiety kicks in and keeps me planted on my bed. This just angers me but I am grateful and proud that I accomplished something no matter how small the achievement.

I have been watching(kinda), "Julie and Julia". For those of you who have read my blog from the beginning, this is the movie that inspired me to start a blog in the first place. I have had it on in the background for the umpteenth time. I love this movie. The main character, Julie, reminds me so much of myself.

Well, I am going to upload the photo of my plaque and show you all my minor accomplishment. It is a big step for me even though it may seem insignificant to you, which you would only think if you don't know me. I didn't even take a nap today which is great news. Baby steps, that's what I'm taking, baby steps.

Until next time.....Happy Day

Sleepless Night

I had a horrible night last night. I could not get to sleep no matter what I tried. My sleeping pills didn't work and I stopped looking at the clock around 4am. Needless to say I slept in after I was finally able to fall asleep. I slept way to long though, I think due to a pill hangover. Like I said, I tried everything and then slept the whole day away. I didn't get up until my daughter woke me up around 3:00 this afternoon. Hopefully I will have a better night tonight.

I am definitely not a morning person but I wish I was. I really don't like that I sleep so long but I can't seem to get myself out of bed either. Plus, I really don't have much to do during the day so waking up early seems like just longer hours to spend bored. I think maybe I should start doing more with the kids this summer. Maybe take them fishing or swimming during the day. That will give me some motivation and a reason to wake up earlier.

Because I slept so late we're having a late dinner tonight. Fried chicken and a cold tortalini pasta dish with baby tomatoes, parmasean cheese, and italian dressing. I hope it comes out tasting good. Cooking is one of my passions though I haven't been doing it much of late.

Since my funding had been pulled at college I have been going through a depression and have stopped doing things I normally enjoy. I'm on a depression med though and things have now worked out with my college so I am getting back on track. It sure has been a rough couple of months though but I'm grateful for things starting to look up again.

So, I have to check on dinner now. Until next time.

It's Been a While But I Come With Good News

Well, I haven't posted anything in a while as you know. I wanted to share my good news. I don't know if I told you how I was in college getting my BA in English and then how they pulled my financing and tried charging me for the class they allowed me to take. That's the summary but here is the good part. After my funding was pulled I fell in to a depression. I was feeling lost and disappointed because I had finally felt that I was where I was supposed to be in my life. I found out yesterday that my school is waiving the fee for the class and my student loan is out of default this month. I should be back in school next semester. I am so excited be back on the right track again.

I hope to take you all with me on my journey as a wife, mother, and college student. Maybe I can even share what I learn with you and my experiences. My dreams will become a reality. I hope that working on my degree will give me the self-confidence I need to achieve my goals. I will not allow my fears to hold me back any longer.

Until next time......

I Did Write a Bit

Well, I just got done with a short freewriting session. I did write last night but neither time for a whole hour. I find myself journaling more than freewriting creative or nonfiction writing. I am getting better though so far. Let's see how long that lasts. If you have read my blog you'd know probably not too long. I thought I would just let you know that I did do some writing but nothing really productive. Tomorrow I will try to write something that is actually productive. I'll let you know the results tomorrow night.

Happy Writing

I Have Changed the Title Again

I think this is the 3rd or 4th time now that I've changed the title of my blog. I am an indecisive person, hence the title and theme changes. I am also apparently unmotivated because I go through so many lapses of not posting to my blog. I post so infrequently, my blog is probable just taking up space on this massive World Wide Web. I must try and rectify this. As of today, I will become a better blogger. Hopefully someone other than my mother will read my blog. If anyone is out there please let me know you're there by posting a comment.

I have had a horrible month but I am doing my best to stay positive. Not very successfully but I'll keep trying anyway. For those of you who don't know; I am an aspiring writer. One who doesn't write though. I am so terrified of failure that I don't even try. Oh, I have plenty of time to devote to writing but a fear that is holding me back from pursuing my dreams. I must move past my fear and just write. Even if I don't try to get published, the more I write the better I will get. I need to actually write those good ideas I've had instead of letting them get all cobwebby in my head. I need to write just to write and I'll never know if I can make something of it until I try. So I guess I'd better get my butt in gear and start writing.

I am going to make a conscious effort to write for at least one hour every day. Even if it's junk, even if it's just a freewriting session I need to do it. As they say, practice makes perfect. I will conquer this demon called fear. I will become more motivated and I will write everyday. I will also try to keep you updated on my progress more frequently instead of letting my blog get lost in space.

So until next time....Happy writing to me.

Why do so Many People Blog?

I just finished watching the movie "Julie and Julia". This movie is the reason why I started a blog. It also made me think of my thought for today. Why do so many people blog?

I don't know if anyone other than my mother reads my blog but I do know that my voice is out there, even if no one cares to listen. I think that is why we blog. To be heard. To be more than just a whisper in a noisy world. The fact is, we are all whispers but a lot of whispering becomes loud.

We could write our thoughts down on paper as it was traditionally done before the age of computers, internet and blogging. I think just the thought of possibility that our whisper is being heard is enough to make so many of us write in a blog. It gives the sensation of being a part of something so much bigger than ourselves. We feel a little bit bigger in a world so large and less likely to get lost in the sea of people. We are a part of something and maybe no one is listening and we are smaller than we think but that is alright with me. I am just happy to be here.

Feeling Overwhelmed?

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by something that it was almost debilitating? You could feel overwhelmed about a project that needs doing, a test you have to take, a chore that you keep putting off because you cannot get past the sense of being so overwhelmed.

Anything can cause you to feel overwhelmed.It happens to us all and it is normal. I procrastinate when I feel overwhelmed by something. Sometimes procrastination in itself can cause you to feel overwhelmed. The longer you let something go the more you feel overwhelmed about tackling that particular task.

Some deal better than others and just dive right in. Others procrastinate and allow the task to build and build, even if only in their heads. The task itself may not get bigger but it becomes bigger mentally. Feeling overwhelmed is a mental debilitation.

We all just need to calm down and take each task in small steps. By breaking up a large task in to smaller ones our sense of being overwhelmed will diminish. We have to put ourselves in the mindset that we will tackle our task and we will accomplish our goals no matter how small or big. Anything can be accomplished with lessened overwhelming power when broken down in to small steps. Baby steps, one piece at a time.

Thought

Today's thought is just about that; thought. Sometimes the need to just be alone with your thoughts is necessary to your mental health. Right now for instance, I feel the need to be alone with my thoughts. I usually feel this way around this time of night. TV no longer holds my interest. I do not want to play on the computer, do chores or work on any projects.

Some nights I go to bed, what some would consider early, just to be alone with my thoughts. I sit in bed and write in my journal. I just lay there and think or try not to think, but all the same I enjoy the silence. I think quiet time is necessary. Time to think, time to relax, time to quit thinking and time for meditation. I enjoy this time and have come to look forward to it.

Try putting some time aside to be alone with your thoughts. Be in silence, write in a journal or just sit back and reflect. I think you will find you enjoy your quiet time as well.

Do You Think Anyone Gave up Prayer for Lent?

My husband had a good thought that I am stealing for my blog. He said "Catholics are supposed to give up something they love for Lent, what if they gave up prayer. Would they find it life altering in some way". I pondered this for a moment.

Recently friends of ours had given up their love of something for Lent. One gave up potatoes and one gave up meat. They gave up something they loved and the possibilities are endless for all those people who give up something for Lent. A devout Catholic who loves to pray, would they give up prayer? I figured they wouldn't but it is something to ponder. Would their life change in any way if they stopped praying? Would they feel as though they were betraying God by giving up prayer? Would the thought even cross their minds? It does make you think about it though.

What would happen if you gave up prayer for Lent?

Religion vs. Spirituality

Today's though is about religion and spirituality. I believe there is a big difference between the two. I was raised in a religion but chose to leave when I was 16-years-old. I personally think that religion was created to control the masses. I also notice that each religion claims to be the "true" religion. Either they are all right or they are all wrong.

I do believe that a person can be spiritual and believe in God without having religion. To me, the two are separate. I consider myself a spiritual person and do not feel the need to find religion. I do not need someone to tell me what to believe and what not to believe.

Those in a religion, especially those that are devout think that a person cannot possibly be spiritual without religion, and their religion. As I said, they are either all right or all wrong. I cannot possibly agree with everything a religion tells me. I think we are meant to question at times because that is how we grow. Ask questions, don't take everything at face value and don't believe everything someone tells you. We are all imperfect so how can there possibly be a perfect religion.

I do not need religion to believe in a higher power. I do ask questions and I am smart enough to know that I am not meant to know all the answers. Some questions about life and the world are meant to be left unanswered.

So to sum things up, religion and spirituality are completely separate. At least that is my thought.

Superstitions

The thought of today is superstitions. Why do people believe in superstitions?

Superstitions can involve good or bad luck, events that may or may not happen. Here's one; If it rains on Easter Sunday it will rain for the next seven Sundays. Black cats are good or bad luck depending on who you ask. The number 13 is good or bad luck depending on who you ask. If you ask my husband he will tell you that if it's bad luck for everyone else, it's good luck for him. He has a 13 tattooed on his arm.

Don't walk under a ladder. Breaking a mirror is seven years bad luck. Step on a crack and you'll break your mothers back. These are all superstitions that some believe in and some don't. I don't believe in superstitions. I will not wear a particular piece of clothing continuously because if I take it off my favorite sports team will lose. Not that I have a favorite sports team because I don't particularly like sports anyway.

If you really analyze a superstition and maybe do an experiment or two you will find that the superstition has no merit. A superstition is only kept going by those who believe in them, not because there is any real merit to them.

Some things are just strange and this is one of them to me. I will never understand those who are superstitious. But to each his own. Live and let live.

Happy People

Here is a thought. We all know that person who is constantly happy and bubbly no matter what is going on. I think most of us wonder if that person is genuinely a happy person or a really good actor. So that is my thought; is true happiness real or faked.

I am a pessimist. I do not believe that bubbly person is that truly happy. Bad things happen to everyone and sometimes life is just plain unfair. I do not see how that person can constantly portray happiness when they have no real reason to be that happy.

Now some people are just lucky or work really hard to have a great life but the real bubbly people are average like most of us. So are they faking being happy and secretly cry every Thursday night or go home and finally let their depression out? Who knows for sure. Most of you will take things at face value but I am an analyzer. I cannot take things at face value. I have to analyze it to death. I am the one who sits there and wonders "oh my God, is this person so bubbly all the time". I personally cannot stand the overly bubbly person. I use the word bubbly to describe those few who act so happy it's almost sickening.

The bubbly ones are not for me. I prefer to be around those who actually show other emotions. Who react when there should be a reaction. Who get pissed off when they should be pissed. The bubbly ones remind me of a fake barbie doll. Most of us do not like the barbie dolls just as most of us cannot stand the too happy, bubbly person.

Maybe they are that truly happy. Maybe they can see the world and life in a way we cannot. I also ask the question of whether you can be just a happy person, born and bred that way or if you have to work at being happy. I would have to work at being happy. Don't get me wrong, I am not all pessimism and do have bouts of happiness. I am just happy at the appropriate times.

Maybe though I am the problem. Maybe I do not realize my own happiness and take it for granted. Or maybe I am doomed to being an unhappy person. I guess that is a character flaw I will have to work on. But if I ever become the "bubbly" person, just smack me on the back of the head.

Lots of News

Well I haven't been keeping up with my blog. A lot has happened since my last post. I did get in to college and am now starting my second week. I also made Associate Editor for the website I was interning for, www.SAHMAnswers.com. I have had a lot of good luck over the past few weeks.

I am so happy to be in school and getting a degree that I really want. With a Bachelor's in English it will look better for a freelance job and I can get a job reviewing books for a publishing company which is also a goal for me. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me but I know in the end it will all pay off.

I think I have found my purpose and I am thinking of redoing my blog. As to what, I am not yet sure but it somehow doesn't seem an appropriate title anymore. I've been thinking about '365 Days of Thought' but I have such a hard time coming up with topics that I think I would struggle coming up with a new thought everyday. Whatever I change it to, I want it to be something I have to write in at least every other day. I really want to start getting better at posting to the blog. I'll have to do some thinking and figure stuff out. Who knows what I'll come up with.

Until next time.....

Good News

Well I still haven't heard yet if I'll be able to start college 4/19 yet but I did get good news yesterday.

The website I was interning for (as a writer) just asked me to be an Associate Editor. They were so pleased with my work and ideas for the site, www.sahmanswers.com that after only six weeks that decided to keep on. The budget doesn't allow for much so what they are doing is linking my Google Adsense account to theirs. I hope readers click away on those ads so I can get some pay.

It took so much anxiety and relief off of me. I was really struggling to come up with article ideas for this audience that I was no longer enjoying writing. Now I can write when I choose and improve the site to get more members and feedback.

I am so excited. I still am having some anxiety over knowing whether or not I'll be able to start school on the 19th or if I'll have to wait until next semester. I wish they would just tell me so that my anxiety goes away. Fingers crossed for starting the 19th.

Soon to be College Student Again

Well, I have good news. I got my college debt paid off from a previous attempt at attending college. Now they actually have a new degree program that I really want to get. Because I paid them off they will finance me until my student loan is out of default in August or September.

I will be getting my Bachelor's in English with a focus on writing. I can't wait to take some literature courses as well for my electives.

It looks like I'll be starting school April 19th. I'll have alot on my plate because I won't be done with my internship yet so I will have to do both at the same time. My internship requires 10 hours a week and my schooling is probably about the same if not more. It's an online school, University of Phoenix. They are a really good school but require alot from the student. Not a bad thing I guess but sometimes overwhelming. There is alot of reading material and homework involved but it will be nice since this time I have a laptop so I'm not stuck to one spot all the time.

I'm so excited to start! I truly believe that I have finally found what I want to do with my life. If you haven't already heard, I'd like to be a writer, professionaly that is. I would love to see my work in print.

I have given myself a goal of getting an article published in a real, glossy magazine in 6 months. Maybe a year at the latest. My biggest problem that I experience with writing articles is coming up with great topics. I struggle so much with this, which is why I'm stressed over my internship. Luckily, I just wrote down a bunch of article ideas for my internship so I can start writing them tomorrow.

I always wanted to write a book but I don't think I have the patience for such a long endeavor. I've tried before but didn't get past the first few pages of the book. I'm not a fiction writer and I would start to think that no one would care about what I think so why bother. I'm not into how-to or self-help so I guess I'd better stick with articles.

Although, someone did mention to me that maybe I should write a children's book and have my own kids do the illustrations. I thought it wasn't a bad idea and I've had an idea for a book rolling around in my head ever since.

Anyway, that's all for now. You've probably gotten bored already reading this long post. I'll try to make it shorter next time :-)

I've Been Busy

Once again it's been a while since I've posted.Things have been a little chaotic for me. In the last month I have remodeled my master bathroom. It was a small room but a huge projected filled with problems. I have also been working on my internship with www.sahmanswers.com. For those of you who don't know the site, it is a stay-at-home mom e-zine. On top of everything I still have a family and home to take care of. I know I have been slacking on my blog and even my internship.

If I hope for the possibility to get hired after my 12 weeks of the internship are up I'd better get my butt in gear.

I am also trying to get a small loan from my bank so that I can start college again. Hopefully 3rd times a charm and I'll actually finish getting my degree.

The degree program I hopefully will be going into is Bachelor's in English with a focus on writing. If I don't get this loan from the bank it will be another year and half before I can get back into school. I should know by Monday whether my loan is approved so, fingers crossed.

I will try to write more frequently and keep you all updated on my path to find my purpose.

Things Are Going Well but I Can't Edit my Blog Right

No matter how hard I try I can not figure out this whole HTML thing and how to add it to my blog. Anyway enough about that. I am sorry for neglecting my blog. I have been busy writing articles and doing assignments. I am taking those two classes in writing and I got the Internship with www.sahmanswers.com. A E-zine geared towards stay at home moms. I have been writing and actually enjoying it and sticking with it. Lets hope this continues and someday I will be able to rename by blog.
I also may get the chance to go back to college and get my bachelor's in English. The school may fund me, but I owe them money and have set up payment arrangements so that might hinder my chances. I haven't heard a decision yet so me and my academic advisor are keeping our fingers crossed. I would love to go back and get a degree that I want, not just because they don't offer any better degree programs. So everyone, fingers crossed.
I have been reading books on writing and making sure that I write something everyday. They say that all writers need to write for at least 10 minutes per day. Doesn't have to be about anything particular, just to let yourself loose and creative juices flowing. I thinlk my 10 mins. a day should be spent on blog entries.
Well that's all for now. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Wednesday

Today I started my online writing courses. I think I will enjoy them. I also returned an email to someone who may or may not let me do a 12 week internship for a e-magazine geared towards stay-at-home moms. I am hoping that I get it because it will not only give me experience but something to put on my portfoloie so I can start getting articles published for actual pay. We'll see how it all goes and I let you know when I know.

Update on Path to Purpose

I have not posted anything for a while so there are some things to catch you up on. I have published two articles so far on NewsBlaze.com; not widely read I believe. I am also starting on Wednesday two online writing classes. I have also applied and may get a writing internship, so fingers crossed. I know it's unpaid but I think the experience will be good for me by enhancing my writing ability.

I wonder if it is at all possible that maybe I'm finding my purpose. I have always enjoyed writing and would like to break into writing for a living; you know, actually getting paid to write. I think it would be great to get paid for something I like to do, I just hope that I can start writing what people want to read. Topics have never really come easily for me so one of the writing classes I am taking teaches you how to avoid writer's block and come up with read-worthy topics.

I have never stuck with anything so heres' hoping that maybe I've finally found the path that is right for me. I will try to do better at keeping you updated on my progress.

Today is Like Any Other

I have decided to give my blog a real topic. In case you haven't noticed I have changed the title of my blog to "Path to Purpose". I am on a quest; one that I have taken many, many times before and left empty handed. Something has to change; something in me must change in order to finish my quest with the grand prize. The grand prize for me is to have a fulfilling life devoid of boredom. I have no patience and therefore want everything to happen right now but this is not reality and a part of me understands that. The other bigger part of me doesn't care for patience one bit. I think this may have something to do with the fact that if I have to be patient, I will probably lose interest and be back at square one in no time at all. You see, it is not safe for me to have patience. Patience only starts the never ending rollercoaster ride that is my mind. I have likened my life to the movie with Bill Murray "Groundhog's Day". Besides writing this blog, my Friday will be no different than any other Friday. This is the day I go to the bank and get errands done and if I'm lucky someone at the grocery store will hit me with their cart just to break up the monotony.
My hopes of going back to school is not looking very promising. I have a short article I wrote yesterday promoting my blog that I hope to get published (fingers crossed everyone). Today will be a quest free day unless I find the time but I will be sure to keep you posted.

A Moment in Time With a Bipolar Child

Bipolar Disorder runs in my family. Both me and my son have Bipolar. Two Bipolar people living under the same roof is definately a struggle almost every day. I just had a moment with my son that has compelled me to write this blog post.
My son's glasses were broke last week and we just got his new glasses today. He wasted no time in losing them. When I was told by my daughter that my son lost his glasses, he immediately became angry with her for telling me. His anger at losing his glasses was not actually directed at his sister but portrayed in just such a manner. The glasses were luckily found but it left me with a question. Why, when we are angry with ourselves do we project our anger onto others?
Part of me thinks that we outwardly portray anger to others when it is more internal anger because of our mood. We are angry and upset, therefore, making us angry and upset with everything and everyone. I also see the portrayal as a lack of taking personal responsibility for our actions. It is always easier to blame others than to blame ourselves for a mistake. I believe at times we blame others, or appear to blame others subconciously. Whether our behavior is subconcious or with purpose others are unjustly paying the consequences for actions they had no part in.
I make every attempt I know how to teach my children the importance of taking responsibility for their own actions. I believe we have all been guilty at some point in our lives, especially if we really think about it, of projecting inward anger towards other people. I think we all must make a conscious effort to avoid projecting anger where anger is not due.
I have added two links to websites that can give insite on children with Bipolar or if you believe you or your child may be suffering from depression these sites may be helpful.


http://www.righthealth.com/Health/Bipolar%20Children-s?lid=goog-ads-sb-8536643334

http://www.dbsalliance.org/

For my first post I would like to welcome all readers. I also hope for readers. I named my blog "Thoughts of a Thinker" because I often find myself thinking about all sorts of topics. When I start writing I find that my thoughts go everywhere and bounce from subject to subject. I ponder on such things as; what happens when we die and know the whole time I am pondering that the answer will never be found. People have all sorts of opinions about this and almost all of them are different. Then at times I wonder about space and planets and whether aliens really exist or not. By the way, my opinion on aliens is that if they weren't out there somewhere what an awful waste of space it would be. The unbelievers' of alien existence tells me that we think to highly of ourselves, that the possibility of other intelligence is just to outrageous to be considered. I think if we were the smartest beings there is then we are in serious trouble people.

Now I hope you have an understanding (somewhat) of why my blog is entitled "Thoughts of a Thinker". I look forward to sharing more posts with you in the future.