Fiction Scares Me

In my last post I said I would write a fiction short story by Aug. 6th. I am hemming and hawing about this one. Why you ask? Because frankly, fiction scares me. I have never written fiction before. I always thought I would never be any good at creative/fiction writing. So I'm a little scared about this project.

So far I have absolutely no ideas on characters, plot or anything. I'm not even sure I know what genre I would like to try writing. I'm also not very good with writing dialogue so that's another thing to scare me.

Some other news is that this past Sunday I actually went to a church. I was totally against the notion for a really long time but found that I actually enjoyed the service and it was a church I wouldn't mind going back to. This shocked me. I have resisted religion for a very long time and my faith had also wavered for a long time. I'm really not sure what to make of it. I guess time will tell.

Well, until next time.....

Deadline Met

Well, I met the deadline that I established for myself on that essay. I took my daughter to the beach yesterday and while she swam, I wrote. I don't think it's very good though so I will go back to it in a day or so and do some revisions. I did just revise it but it's still not good enough. At least not up to my standards. I'm not sure what I'll write next. I would like to try fiction. A short story to start with then maybe something a little longer. I don't know, we'll see how it goes. I expect perfection from myself, which I know, is expecting to much but if it's not perfect I am unhappy. But hey, that's what editing is for.

I'll let you know what my next project is when I know and give myself another deadline. Oh hell, how about I write at least a ten page fiction short story and have it done by Aug. 6th. That should give me enough time to write and rewrite.

Motivation

So far, I haven't written that essay yet. I will though, at least I'd better. I guess I'm waiting for the motivation to strike me but I think I had better make my motivation. Force myself to just do it instead of waiting around for the mood to strike. The mood doesn't usually strike me though so I think I will have to buckle down and do it. I'll let you know when it's done and how it went.

That's all for now. Talk to ya later..

New Idea

Well, it's about 5:30am. I slept about 8 hours, just the wrong part of the day. I thought I would rest about 5:00pm last night and ended up falling asleep. I didn't wake up til 2am this morning and surprisingly feel pretty well rested. Let's hope I feel that way later today.

Anyway, I have an idea about how to get myself to write. I'm the type of person who needs to be given a deadline, otherwise I procrastinate or just never get it done. So, I am giving myself a deadline on projects that I thought I would post here for all of you to see. Or if I have no other readers, for just my mother to see, because I gotta love her, she reads every post I make. Thanks Mom. It's nice to know I have one fan.

My first deadline is for an essay I've been thinking of. It is about my passion; words, and how powerful a single word can be. My deadline for this essay is Thursday July 22, 2010. I will make sure to update my blog and let you all know that I completed my project on my stated deadline. If anyone is out there I could really use some encouragement. Please comment, I need to know someone is reading this, other than you Mom (no offense).

Accomplishment

Well, today I accomplished something. First, I actually went to Subway to pick up dinner when normally I would make my husband go on the basis that it only takes him 2 minutes to throw clothes on and be done. I also made a wood burned plaque. I finally DID what I could be doing instead of only thinking about what I could be doing. I will be uploading a picture of my plaque for you all to see.

I know this seems like a small achievement but for me it is huge. You see, whenever I think about what I could or should be doing, I seem to get anxiety. I don't know why this is but I get mad at myself for feeling this way. Even when I am bored beyond belief I tend to run to my bed instead of finding something to do. I don't normally sleep when I take these naps I just lay there thinking about what I could and should be doing. Right when I'm about to crawl out of bed to do these things the anxiety kicks in and keeps me planted on my bed. This just angers me but I am grateful and proud that I accomplished something no matter how small the achievement.

I have been watching(kinda), "Julie and Julia". For those of you who have read my blog from the beginning, this is the movie that inspired me to start a blog in the first place. I have had it on in the background for the umpteenth time. I love this movie. The main character, Julie, reminds me so much of myself.

Well, I am going to upload the photo of my plaque and show you all my minor accomplishment. It is a big step for me even though it may seem insignificant to you, which you would only think if you don't know me. I didn't even take a nap today which is great news. Baby steps, that's what I'm taking, baby steps.

Until next time.....Happy Day

Sleepless Night

I had a horrible night last night. I could not get to sleep no matter what I tried. My sleeping pills didn't work and I stopped looking at the clock around 4am. Needless to say I slept in after I was finally able to fall asleep. I slept way to long though, I think due to a pill hangover. Like I said, I tried everything and then slept the whole day away. I didn't get up until my daughter woke me up around 3:00 this afternoon. Hopefully I will have a better night tonight.

I am definitely not a morning person but I wish I was. I really don't like that I sleep so long but I can't seem to get myself out of bed either. Plus, I really don't have much to do during the day so waking up early seems like just longer hours to spend bored. I think maybe I should start doing more with the kids this summer. Maybe take them fishing or swimming during the day. That will give me some motivation and a reason to wake up earlier.

Because I slept so late we're having a late dinner tonight. Fried chicken and a cold tortalini pasta dish with baby tomatoes, parmasean cheese, and italian dressing. I hope it comes out tasting good. Cooking is one of my passions though I haven't been doing it much of late.

Since my funding had been pulled at college I have been going through a depression and have stopped doing things I normally enjoy. I'm on a depression med though and things have now worked out with my college so I am getting back on track. It sure has been a rough couple of months though but I'm grateful for things starting to look up again.

So, I have to check on dinner now. Until next time.

It's Been a While But I Come With Good News

Well, I haven't posted anything in a while as you know. I wanted to share my good news. I don't know if I told you how I was in college getting my BA in English and then how they pulled my financing and tried charging me for the class they allowed me to take. That's the summary but here is the good part. After my funding was pulled I fell in to a depression. I was feeling lost and disappointed because I had finally felt that I was where I was supposed to be in my life. I found out yesterday that my school is waiving the fee for the class and my student loan is out of default this month. I should be back in school next semester. I am so excited be back on the right track again.

I hope to take you all with me on my journey as a wife, mother, and college student. Maybe I can even share what I learn with you and my experiences. My dreams will become a reality. I hope that working on my degree will give me the self-confidence I need to achieve my goals. I will not allow my fears to hold me back any longer.

Until next time......